Sunday, January 29, 2012

Moments... or "How not-to-be-sad until your glass is completely empty"

Not too long ago, time couldn't pass fast enough.  All the excitement and anticipation of seeing Sisters seemed to slow everything down.  Then Day Zero finally came, bringing Sisters with it.  Now, 10 days later, I can't seem to slow time down.  Only 8 days left.  Passed the half-way mark.  They've been here longer than they'll stay.  I can feel the sadness creeping out of my heart, making its way to the lump in my throat.  I take another drink from my glass.  The same glass that was overflowing 10 days ago is now half-empty.  I want more.  Too bad life doesn't offer free refills.

The last 10 days have been full of so many amazing moments.  Talking on the couch.  Sitting in cafes.  Walking to the store.  Hiking around Howth.  Riding public transportation.  Watching American's Next Top Model.  Shopping in city center.  Worshiping our Creator.  Playing games.  Eating grilled cheese.  Uncontrollable laughter.  A little bit of exhaustion.  So many moments of finally experiencing life in Dublin with the parts of myself I left behind.  I can't explain it.  My heart swells when I'm around them.  I'll never be ready for them to leave.

So I'll shove the sadness back down where it belongs.  It will have to wait its turn.  There are still too many moments to enjoy... Glendalough, Killiney (so we can see Bono's house), Dun Laoghaire (so Jes can re-enact scenes from P.S. I Love You), fish and chips, live music at The Ruby Sessions.  More coffee.  More grilled cheese.  More laughing.  More moments.  Lots more moments.

(A couple things I gotta confess: One, I should be sleeping.  I woke up at 4:45 this morning.  I tried to go back to sleep, I promise.  I couldn't.  At 5:45, I finally quit trying and got up for good.  Call me a quitter if you like, I did my best.  Two, I'm not supposed to be thinking about what I'm thinking about.  Sorry Sisters, I didn't mean to break the rules.  Sometimes you just can't keep your mind from going where it's not supposed to.)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Day Zero

I could barely sleep last night.  I didn't think this morning would ever come.  It did!  Denise and Bailey came with me to the airport.  They helped me be patient.  Mostly.  I contained my excitement for as long as I could, but I nearly exploded when I finally saw my sisters walk through the door.  I heard Mooly's request from the email she sent, "Just don't get arrested for being too loud at the airport."  Denise didn't want anyone getting arrested either.  I tried to keep the volume down.  I did scream for one tiny second once the elevator doors closed.  I couldn't help it.

We had tea and grilled cheese and turkey sandwiches at the Karnes' house.  About an hour later, we headed over to my house.  Jes said, "Whoa, it looked a lot bigger on the computer."  After the 2 minute tour, we had "Christmas."  Mostly fabric I'd shipped to my parents' house.  Lots of fabric.  It was wonderful.  When they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer, we put on shoes and coats and walked to the grocery store.  Amy fell asleep while the pasta was cooking.  She woke up long enough to eat, take a shower, and watch a couple episodes of Friends.  I tucked them in around 7:30pm.   'Night-night sisters...

 I can't believe I get to see them everyday for the next two and a half weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Less than 200 hours...

...until my sisters arrive in Dublin!  Ok, maybe it's a little too soon to start counting down hours.  Eight days.  That's a more manageable time frame.  A week and a day.  That's even better.  I can't believe it!!!  I just love them oh-so-much!

I remember getting the email at the beginning of November with all their flight details.  Two and a half months ago, January 19th felt like forever away.  That was before going to Germany.  Thanksgiving.  A craft fair.  End of semester assignments.  My birthday.  The 3rd Hunger Games.  Christmas.  New Year's.  Two and a half months ago, there were so many things that had to happen before January 19th could come.  Not anymore!  Now January 19th is just around the corner.  One more weekend.  Two days of school.  A day of impatience.  Then THE day... January 19th!

It's 3:06 AM.  I'm supposed to be sleeping right now.  I can't.  I am too excited to sleep!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Free parking.

Born to sin and then get caught
All our good deeds don't mean squat...
Guilt is bitter, grace is sweet
Park it here on the mercy seat...
When we don't get what we deserve
That's a real good thing, a real good thing
When we get what we don't deserve
That's a real good thing, a real good thing.
(A Real Good Thing, Newsboys)

New Year's.  An opportunity to choose Change.  A fresh start on forgotten resolutions.  No, not forgotten... ignored.  Discarded.  Unchosen.  Paul knows what I'm talking about.  The battle that rages between flesh and spirit.  Between what I want and what I choose.  Between what I resolve and what I do.  (Romans 7:15-20)

My struggle isn't with not doing the don'ts.  For the most part, I'm a good girl.  Ask my parents.  They'll tell you.  Don't lie.  Don't do drugs.  Don't hit or bite or kill.  No problem, I can avoid all that.  Most of the time.  My battle is fought on the other side of sin: doing the do's.  Love your neighbor.  Share Jesus.  Pray without ceasing.  Seek the Kingdom.  Be bold.  Have courage.  But instead I find myself defeated by fear.  Complacency.  Insecurity.  Indifference.  Pride.  These are the things that separate me from God.  These are the sins I'm born to.  These are the sins I'm caught in.

But grace is sweet!  And I desperately need it.  Not the kind of grace that erases wrongdoing, but the kind that conquerors the depravity inside my heart.  The kind that creates a new spirit within me.  The kind that draws me ever-closer to my Creator and my Savior.  The kind that gives me what I don't deserve.  That's a real good thing, a real good thing.

This year's resolution: to park it.  Right here.  On the mercy seat.  Where my sin collides with his grace.