Monday, June 14, 2010

Mooly v. The Scorpion: An Epic Tale of Courage and Total Annihilation

Here's the deal folks, we all know my mom, Jo, tends to slightly exaggerate the facts.  If she were telling this story, I'd come off as unnecessarily stupid and she would undoubtedly be the witty heroine.  I want you to get the REAL story, exactly as it happened, so I'm taking over and preaching the truth!

It happened the other night, during the 4th quarter of game 4 of the NBA finals.  I was laying peacefully by the couch.  Jo was petting me.  Mooly was in high spirits because Boston was winning.  Something caught my eye in the shadows of the kitchen.  I ignored it at first, but then it mysteriously scurried deeper into the darkness.  I'd never seen anything move like that before.  What was it?  Curiosity got the better of me, I got up to investigate.

I've played with my fair share of bugs during my 3 1/2 years of canine bliss.  I even tried to eat a poisonous frog one time.  But I've never seen anything as freaky as this creature.  It had a long, skinny body like a worm but feet like a bug.  The strangest part, though, was its tail.  It curved up over its back and was sharp at the tip.  Why wasn't it wagging?  Why have a tail if you're not gonna wag it?  I soon found out there are meaner things to do with a tail.

Man, this thing was quick!  It stayed one move ahead of my paw.  I faked right and the stupid thing fell for it.  I slammed my paw down quickly, pinning the creature to the floor.  I'd won!  Suddenly, a stinging pain shot through my paw and up my leg.  I looked down in horror.  That son of a bug had its tail jammed into the top of my paw.  I recoiled in pain and it scurried across the floor toward Jo and Mooly on the couch.

Jo shot up.  "Moo, I think that's a scorpion!", she yelled.  Mooly jumped up, searching for a weapon.  She handed her orange Birki to Jo, screaming, "Kill it!"  I knew I could count on Jo.  She would kill the scorpion and avenge my pain.  I watched in horror as Jo cowered on the coach.  "I can't kill it!  You do it!"  She said desperately, handing the shoe back to Mooly.  In a moment of valiant bravery, Mooly shoved Jo out of the way.  Standing on the couch, she towered over the scorpion.  SMACK!!!  She brought the birki down hard.  The first hit was a miss.  But the scorpion had no time to react before the shoe came down again.  Mooly didn't miss again.  She killed that scorpion dead.  She killed it five more times before sinking back onto the couch.

That's when I started feeling woozy.  I was holding my paw up by my chest.  It stung like fire rising up my leg.  Jo looked at me with fear in her eyes.  "I think it stung Dakota," she said.  The next few minutes were a blur.  I remember Jo looking in my eyes and at my paw.  Then she was talking to someone on the phone.  Then she and Mooly made me drink some nasty pink water called Benadryl.  The fire was cooling down.  I was getting drowsy...

The next day, I was back to normal.  My paw was healed and the drugs had worn off.  I'll be a bit more careful from now on, no more playing with things that have tails that don't wag!  The moral of the story:  Mooly was a hero and Jo was a big fat pansy!

Note: even though she missed the end of the game, Mooly was very, very happy because the Celtics beat the Lakers, tying up the series at 2 games each!  Mooly loves the playoffs!!!


  1. Baaa hahaha! I'm glad Dakota is well enough to type her blog entries :)

  2. I'd be afraid of that lady with the shoe too!