Sunday, June 15, 2014

Time to let it all hang out.

I'm leaving Dublin in two days.  June 17th will end my three-year commitment.  The day has been marked on the calendar for a few months now.  But as time passed, those months were reduced to weeks and the weeks were reduced to days.  Soon, those days will be reduced to hours.  It's an overwhelming feeling.

Leaving Dublin is one of a handful of moments with the capacity to change my life completely.  At first, this particular moment was only a small outline on the horizon of my distant future.  I've watched it grow bigger as time pushes me closer to it.  And now it's looming just ahead.  Unavoidable.  Imminent.  Demanding to be dealt with.  I'm at the edge of the horizon.  My present is colliding with my future.  Change is coming.

I've been holding myself together fairly well, something I attribute to the "emotional spanx" I managed to wrangle around my heart.  They held in all the wobbly bits... sadness. fear, anxiety.  They accentuated the attractive bits... happiness, excitement, anticipation.  A few things popped out now and again... anger, frustration, melancholy... but for the most part, they smooshed everything together.  Nice and smooth.

Until now.

The swarm of emotion in my heart is growing too big.  My spanx are busting at the seams.  All those wobbly bits are spilling out everywhere.  We're talking full-on-ugly-cry-face.  Guess it's time to throw these spanx in the bin.  Right after I use them to wipe my teary eyes and blow my snotty nose.

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